IMG_0746 (2)As soon as the late night news is over, I really should go to bed.

More often than not, I don’t.

Why you may ask?

Because I get sucked into one of the three late night talk shows that air immediately following the news.

They are hard to avoid. There’s one on each of the original three major networks. CBS, NBC, and ABC currently runs Late Night talk shows hosted by Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel respectively.

Each has their own merit. Each features interviews with people in show business plugging a new movie, new TV series, book or album.

For tradition’s sake, I usually gravitate to the Tonight Show.

The Tonight Show, which has been on the air since 1954, is world’s longest-running talk show, and the longest running, regularly scheduled entertainment program in the United States. (I painstakingly confirmed this through Wikipedia, so it must be true.)

Recently though, I have honed in on something that annoys me about an aspect of talk shows. It’s like watching a basketball game. Once you hone in on the squeaking gym shoes on the basketball court, you can’t quite get past that sound while you are watching the game.

Merriam Webster defines “white noise” as, “a heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range.” But it’s not quite a “white noise” that annoys me. It’s a calculated noise.

There are three such annoyances and they all involve HOW guests are introduced.

Annoyance One.
The simple classic allusion to a guest on the show during a monologue is, “Our guest tonight is Robert De Niro.”

But now, many many talk show hosts say with a high degree of enthusiasm about their guest, “Robert De Niro is in the house.”

OK, “in the house” sounded cool the first thousand times a talk show host said some guest was “in the house.” As if this is one big talk show “family” and the guest is in your house. I get it. I think it is now a phrase that has run its course.

Talk show hosts, PLEASE think of another way to say who your guest will be tonight. Go back to the simple classic if you must.

Annoyance Two.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Give it up for (Insert guest name)”

Give what up? I don’t have that much to begin with. I’m supposed to give that up to Robert DeNiro JUST because he is your guest? Is this an old fashioned stick up? I really have to give it up? Or is it Lent, and I just have to give it up for 40 days?

The classic introduction is. “Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Robert DeNiro.” I think that will do. I don’t even have to give anything up to continue watching.

Annoyance Three.
This is kind of a part two of Annoyance number two, but separate nonetheless.

Instead of just saying the guest name of Robert De Niro, the host’s introduction in its most annoying fashion is, “Give it up for Robert Di NNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

WHY DOES IS HAVE TO BE THAT LOUD AND DRAWN OUT?

I could go on, but hey, I touched on the basic annoyances and wow, look at the clock. It’s time to watch the Tonight Show.

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