IMG_2073
When the Wright Brothers made their first flight off the sand dunes of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, in 1903 they had no clue how their form of transportation would change the world and evolve into what it is today.

I wonder, had they known how sophisticated the experience would eventually become, if the conversation before the initial flight might have gone something like this:

Orville: OK, I’m ready to give this a try.
Wilbur: One thing first bro. Take off your shoes and take off your belt before you climb up that sand dune to the plane.
Orville: Uh, Wilbur, I’m not even sure this thing will actually get off the ground, so why would I do that?
Wilbur: I can see the future of flying and that’s where it’s going. No shoes, no belt before the flight. Oh yeah, and show me a photo ID before you board that contraption too.
Orville: WTF, Wilbur, I’m your brother.
Wilbur: Rules are rules, bro.

Wilbur had a vision of where air travel was headed.

Today, Wedwand offers some airline travel suggestions as a public service to travelers.

Suggestion One:

When you arrive at the airport there are two options.

1) Wait in a massive line to get your boarding pass at the ticket counter or; 2) Go to an automated kiosk and get your boarding pass there. Choose option 2.

At the automated kiosk you must insert your bank card because it has a magnetic strip from which the airlines is able to glean your flight information. Apparently your bank knows you are on a trip. This is very scary because you are pretty sure the airlines will fleece you for even more money, but so far this has not happened to me.

After you have been confirmed as a real passenger, the airlines will then try and sell you stuff on the screen, like:

You are currently in boarding flight #2 to board the plane. Would you like to pay $15 to be on boarding flight #1?

Really, this is not a fabricated fact. The touch screen actually asks you if you want to spend an extra $15 to save 5 minutes of waiting time by boarding earlier AND be subjected to an even a longer period of claustrophobic time in the cramped 18 inch seat.

Wedwand suggests you do NOT select the $15 dollar option to board earlier. However, if you DO have that much extra cash to throw around, might we suggest a reputable charity organization?

Suggestion Two:

Do not wear loose fitting pants or day old socks to the airport.

Why? Because you will most likely be asked to take off your belt and shoes before entering the security check point. Loose pants will fall to the ground if you are beltless. Fresh socks are just a common courtesy for your fellow passengers in line when you take off your shoes.

Now, it’s time to enter the security checkpoint area which makes sure you are not carrying any dangerous objects aboard the plane, like an extra bottle of travel shampoo or God forbid, a bottle of water. (Hint: Carry an empty water bottle with you and fill it up on the other side.)

The security checkpoint contains a body scanning machine. (It oddly resembles the ”Cone of Silence” from Get Smart.) This is a highly sophisticated radiological cone that you enter which can tell whether you ate a peanut in the week prior to your flight, but it CANNOT tell whether there are dangerous items in your shoes or belt. Apparently, leather is like lead to the highly sophisticated radiological cone.

Therefore, you MUST put your shoes and belt in a plastic bin that goes through another separate highly sophisticated radiological device, but this one apparently CAN see through leather and detect dangerous items in your shoes and belt.

It is also programmed to look for quart baggies because ALL of your liquid items MUST fit into this baggie. I have not tried this, but you may be able to get several ounces of Jack Daniels into an empty shampoo container as long as it fits in the quart bag.

If all goes well, congratulations. You are now ready to travel to your gate. There, you will find other obstacles to face prior to your flight. But that’s another story for another time.

FOOTNOTE:
I bet by now you can tell that Wedwand has taken another airplane trip and yes, travelling on airplanes never ceases to be a plethora of material for another post. In case you missed the last one, here it is: https://wedwand.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/leaving-on-a-jet-plane/

Advertisements