March Madness is upon us again. On Sunday, we learned who the 68 invitees were for the 2015 NCAA tournament. By next Sunday, 52 of those teams will have had their hopes dashed as they are eliminated from the completion by virtue of losing their slipper at the “Big Dance.” Unlike Cinderella, there will be NO Prince Charming coming to look for these teams. They and their ugly sister’s season is over.

For those of you who don’t know what the “Big Dance” is, it involves College Basketball and we suggest for a primer, you read last week’s Wedwand:

So as I prepared to pick my bracket, which is guaranteed to lose for the 217th time in my life, I was studying which college teams came from which conferences. And that’s when a thought hit me like a clock striking 12 at the ball.

These are institutions of higher learning, playing for the National Collegiate Athletic Association Championship (NCAA if you prefer). Fine Colleges and Universities from across our fair nation are involved. Heck, even Harvard is in the tournament.

But, I am terribly concerned with their Mathematic and Geography programs as I look at their Conference Affiliations.

Let’s deal with the Math problems first. Now I know there is new math today which replaced the old math that used to be the new math when I was growing up which replaced the old math that my dad learned when he was growing up and caused him to stop helping me with my homework because of that “God Damned” new math that I had. But be it new math or old math, I still cannot figure out these conferences from a mathematical standpoint. Witness this:

The Big Ten Conference has 14 teams.

Likewise, the Atlantic 10 Conference also has 14 teams.

It seems that 10 is the new 14. Either that, or they are teaching their students to carry the 1 over 4 too many times. This worries me.

But just when I thought this new math had some problems with addition methodology, I found out that the Big 12 Conference has only 10 teams. Apparently, there are some subtraction problems too.

Kudos however, the Pac 12 Conference which actually has 12 teams. Those silicon guys from Stanford and Berkeley still got it going on.

Let’s move on to Geography. Witness this:

The Atlantic Coast Conference includes Notre Dame from South Bend, INDIANA. Notre Dame is close to water, approximately 35 miles from Lake Michigan, but over 700 miles from the Atlantic Ocean.

The Big East Conference includes DePaul from Chicago, Marquette from Milwaukee. Neither are anywhere near the East, the Big East, or Little East for that matter, and are solid Central Standard Time zone cities. But that’s not the worst. Creighton from freaking Omaha Nebraska is a part of the Big East and they are 600 miles from Eastern Standard Time.

Ah people ya got trouble. Ya got trouble in the River Cities. Creighton on the Missouri River in the Big East, St. Louis University on the Mississippi River in the Atlantic 10. Ya got trouble with Geography and that starts with G and it ends with Y and ya gotta see why these schools got trouble in Geography.

I could go on. But, excuse me, I’m not going to even touch the Big Sky Conference.

So, be a master prognosticator and pick your brackets along with millions of Americans this tournament season, but don’t even TRY to figure out how they named the Conferences.